Never A Dull Moment

2010-11-08T10:20:00.001-05:00

Halloween 2010 Fort Leavenworth

Happy Monday!

Where Does The Time Go?

2010-11-04T12:55:00.002-04:00

Good grief.
I knew it had been awhile since I had posted anything, but I never thought it had been way back in July. There comes a point where you wonder "Why am I doing this?" and honestly, sometimes I don't know. I enjoy writing, but I also enjoy things that take me far and away from the land of blogging.
I'm hoping to finish up soon and make this into a Blurb journal.
Still, I can't imagine ever calling it completely quits.
Anyhoo . . .
Last time I posted, I was complaining that it was too hot.
Friday it will be in the low 40s during the day and in the 20s at night. How quickly things have changed.
I'm working every now and then in a tiny hospital that has their women's' services on one floor. We have maybe ten beds, most of which sit empty. It's totally different from what I'm used to, but I have a feeling I'm going to really like it. There's all sorts of time to spend with patients, something that I haven't had in previous positions.
Some days, however, I'm over nursing in general. The paperwork and legal aspect of it all can be suffocating and just plain exhausting.
We're already thinking about our next move, which will be sometime in late May/early June. Crazy to think that this time last year Dave was still deployed and we were thinking that moving to Ft Bragg was in our future.
I NEVER thought we'd be in Kansas.
Life is full of wonderful surprises!
Like this!

My parents came for a visit, and the kids had no idea. Can you say total joy?

We Made It!

2010-07-24T11:30:00.001-04:00

The new Casa de Bashaw

We are here at Fort Leavenworth, and we are settling in, slowly but surely.

This is our first time living on post which I think I'm going to enjoy. There is a sense of safety within these walls, and it's wonderful, especially for the kids and my peace of mind. They are able to ride their bikes all over and it's nice to know that speed limits are strictly enforced and that they can only go so far.

Still, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a fish bowl. Everything is so close and well . . . SO CLOSE! Our home has decreased in size by about half, and sometimes I feel as though we are tripping over each other. Maybe that's because we are! I'm learning, however, to be grateful for what we have and what we had. I took our home in Knoxville for granted too many times.

Gosh. I miss this place. The house, the pool right across from my driveway, my neighbors, the grocery store right across from our subdivision, our church at the end of our subdivision, our friends, A/C upstairs . . . I start to dwell upon it and it hurts my heart. Then I remember that God brought us here for a reason and I must choose to focus on the good things that will come from our time out here. TN will always be there, waiting for us with open arms and a glass of cold, sweet tea.

Kansas is nice. Not as flat as I thought it would be. The hills are green, covered with trees, and rolling. Amazing thunderstorms, which I'm coming to enjoy rather than fear. We are close to some neat places, and venture out as often as our pocket book will allow. We were in Omaha a few weeks ago and had a great time. Here's a photo of our lodging. Pretty cool, huh? The kids loved it.

Not much else to say right now. Going somewhat stir crazy as it's been HOT so indoors is a must for most of the day, and the excitement of summer vacation is slowly coming to an end. Looking forward to the start of the school year, and the new opportunities that will arise for our family. Thinking about applying for a job so I can work one or two nights a month. I miss helping new lives come into this world. The extra cash in our vacation fund would be nice as well. There are so many places we want to visit now that we are 800 miles closer!

Hope all is well with your and yours'. Will be back sooner than later . . . I hope! :)

2010-06-11T12:19:00.005-04:00

I'm tired.

The funny thing?

We haven't even started to really move things.

The movers should be here in about 12 days or so.

As of yesterday the national company said that a local company still had not picked up our move.

They aren't worried but for some reason I'm a little concerned.

Less than 2 weeks and no local office has us on their books.

Should be interesting to see how this all plays out.

My neighbor came over two days ago and asked if I wanted to do a yard sale with her this weekend. I was having an excess energy moment - I think I had downed a few Diet Cokes - and I gave her an enthusiastic "YES!" My energy faded some when Dave reminded me that he has drill this weekend.

Eee gads! A yard sale with my four kids under foot. I need to put the filter back on my mouth and slow down before I commit.

Still, it's refreshing to get rid of stuff. We've been here for almost four years and we've really spread out. I've been able to "hide" things in closets and put things up until "I have the time to really go through all this". Never found that time and now I'm getting rid of so much.

I just need to get my hubby on board. He saves just about everything.

Kids are home so blogging has really slowed. I've really started to think about stopping, but last year I had my blog made into a memory book, and it's really neat to read what is essentially a journal. I need to keep it going for myself and my family if for no other reason.

Changing the subject, I'm going to be driving out to Kansas by myself with the kids. I need to prepare my arsenal to combat whiny kids and boredom. Any ideas?

Off to pack, sort, clean, etc. Will be back soon!

2010-05-14T09:14:00.009-04:00

It's been a month since I've blogged! Where does the time go?

We're busy getting ready to move. We've been here for almost four years, and while for many that doesn't seem long, for a military family it's quite some time. We've really settled in and acquired some major "stuff". I'm trying to sort and decide what we really need to take with us. Our housing is going to be 1/3 to 1/2 the size of the house we have now so I really need to think long and hard about what is important for us to hold on to.

We're only going to be in KS for a year so in an effort to make the next move easier, I'm trying to think about what can be boxed and stored for the year. What I don't have to repack in a year is an added bonus. It'll also be nice to have it stored and out of the way.

We're also going to be in limbo for a few weeks while we wait for our housing to be made available. I need to think about what we'll need during this time and how much we can realistically keep with us in a hotel room.

So what to give away, store for a year, bring with us in the U-Haul, put on the moving truck which will then go into temporary storage until housing is ready, etc.

It's a lot to think about and organize.

Should I mention that organization is not my strong suit?

My baby can make biscuits better than I can get this house together on most days.

School is done next Friday. I can't wait. No more "BEEP BEEP BEEP" at 6:21. The endless school projects and homework will cease. We can read and relax at our neighborhood pool, which is located right across from our house. Perfect! We can run around in the evenings when the heat and humidity have begun to subside, and not give much thought to bedtime. Daddy is home this summer so that brings another level of enjoyment to everything. Good times.

Enjoy your weekend and I hope to be back sooner than later.

It's Time To Go

2010-04-14T09:39:00.004-04:00

I'm writing this while James sits next to me, watching a Wiggles video on YouTube. Can't believe I'm listening to these guys again. They may be dorky as anything, but boy, do kids love them.

While we don't have a moving date yet, our "landlady" has decided to let her son move in once we leave. He called last night, making plans to visit the house, move in the end of June, etc.

JUNE! That is so close!

I hung up the phone with a heavy heart, realizing for probably the first time that we are truly, 110% moving to Kansas. I know that sounds silly, but things change so often with the Army that I've gotten used to hearing many maybes and few sure things. This is the longest we've lived anywhere in the same home, and I've come to love our home, our neighbors, our church, my beautiful rose bush, my clematis that is not dead but growing with leaps and bounds up my mailbox, the dogwood growing right outside my bedroom window, and the room where I rocked my fourth and final newborn baby. I love the morning sun coming through my kitchen windows, and one of my favorite things is to watch the setting sun from my bedroom, the house quiet after a busy day of swimming and enjoying another beautiful East TN summer day.

This move has blessed us beyond belief, and I know that God would not take us elsewhere unless He had bigger and better plans for us. Believing this, there is a part of me that is excited to get out to Kansas and see the new adventures that are waiting for us.

Still, it's never easy to say good-bye.

Kids have less than six weeks of school left. My gosh. Where has the school year gone, and how is it that I have a child who will be in the 5th grade? I'm looking forward to having them home with me. Somedays it's just too quiet with only James toddling around.

I took this photo of Anna and myself on Easter. I'm going to edit it now in Photoshop and see if I can improve the color and fade out the front door. I've had Elements since Christmas and haven't done much with it. I even have a book to help me navigate the waters and I still find it a challenge. Wish me luck!

Hoping that wherever you are it's as beautiful as it is here. Dogwoods are in full bloom and the azaleas are not far behind.

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T20:03:00.002-04:00

Our Weekend

2010-03-20T08:52:00.002-04:00

So I had plans for this weekend.

It's going to be beautiful, the nicest it's been since last fall.

So many things to do when it's going to be this nice. A trip to the Smokies? Dollywood?Or maybe just one of our local parks? We have a gorgeous one that's right on the river. Beautiful area with awesome play equipment, walking trails, and a "beach" area, which I thought I'd let the kids get into today.

A walk around the neighborhood with my camera would be awesome too. Kids can run and ride their scooters and I'll snap photos of everything that is starting to come to life again. I love, love, love the first signs of spring, which around here are daffodils and crocus.

Oh the places we are going to go!

That was until hubby came downstairs and announced that he had been laying by the toilet, both ends running.

So I guess we are on to Plan B.

Dollywood will have to wait.

The biggest trip I'll take today will be to Kroger for Sprite and saltine crackers.

Disinfecting the toilets, sinks, and any other place he may have touched.

Being thankful that he's here rather than over there.

2010-03-17T15:36:00.003-04:00

James, all ready for our Yellow Ribbon trip. He put on his bathing suit, and wore it over his clothes for the entire day.

I'm still here.

Just busy.

Well, not that busy, but just not that motivated to blog. I don't know why, but I just am.

We were at Yellow Ribbon this weekend. For those who aren't military, this is a required weekend of presentations that help with the reintegration process. We were blessed to be able to bring all of the kids, and they were thrilled to fly on an airplane. I was all wound up about being in Orlando and wanting to do this or that, and they were thrilled just to experience flying. So ease to please . . . most of the time. I wish I could be that content with little things.

I made Butter Chicken from Pioneer Woman's Tasty Kitchen, and it was tops. I have a few ideas about what I'll do next time so if you're interested check out my review. Make it sometime. You won't be disappointed.

I would love a new lens for my Nikon D90. This is where I'd like to hear from you, and what, if anything, you have in addition to your kit lens.

I went to aerobics today, and it totally wiped me out. Really reinforced that I need to be doing more for my health and weight loss. I've got to drop at least twenty. I've been at a stand still for about two months so I'm hoping that a more intense workout will start the scale moving again.

Dinner time. Promise to be back sooner than later. Hope all is well with you!

In a Funk

2010-03-02T12:13:00.002-05:00

I'm in a funk.

Lack of energy, motivation to do much of anything, etc.

I sort of feel like I'm on a hamster wheel, doing the same thing over and over again. I hate this feeling.

I think of a lot of it has to do with this crummy weather. Average temps. for this time of year tend to be around 55 degrees, and we've been stuck in the 30's and low 40's forever. That wouldn't be too bad if the sun were shining, but it's been hiding behind an endless supply of gloomy and gray clouds. Today as an added bonus? Snow.

I passed a sign today that was offering a week of free tanning, and I actually considered it for a few minutes just to get some UV rays, which would hopefully boost some chemical in my brain. Then I remembered the fungus I contracted from fake baking in high school, and I decided against it. At least for now.

I'm lonely.

My friend, one of closest ones in K'town, recently moved. When Dave was gone last year, we spent oodles of time together. Our kids played together great, and we had all sorts of things in common. She's been gone now for almost two months, and I really miss her friendship. Excellent friends aren't easy to come by, and I pray that God blesses me with a similar friendship soon.

I feel unsettled.

We still don't know when we'll be heading out to Kansas. Just waiting for orders to come through, which could take another month or two. While I try not to let it bother me, it would be nice to have a little more control over our lives. We'd like to plan to do something this summer, but it's practically impossible when you don't know what the military has in store for you.

I am, however, shrinking.

I've lost about 10-11 lbs. Funny how I always have to add that 11 in there, like it makes such a huge difference. I've been working hard, trying to get a work out in every other day and controlling what goes into my mouth. I've also been using that Ali here and there. That stuff is crazy and deserves a post to itself.

I did, however, fall off the wagon this morning. Cinnamon Toast Eggos are just too much of a temptation and taste too stinkin good! I must have eaten four or five of those things.

Dinner is cooking in the crock pot and smells so good. I love knowing that dinner is handled, and my afternoons are free to help with homework, play with the kids, and control the evening chaos. If anyone were to ever ask how I manage four kids, one of my secrets would be my crock pot. I love it, love it, love it.

Laundry is calling and the kitchen floor desperately needs a good cleaning.

Hope your week is a good one!

Been Busy

2010-02-21T08:45:00.002-05:00

Just typed a whole post, the computer froze, and poof! GONE! I thought Blogger would auto save. Bummer.

We're still here. Life is just busy, busy, busy. How people can blog everyday, AND keep their house clean, AND keep their kids happy, AND take all sorts of great photos is just beyond me. I just don't have it in me. Oh well!

We took off last weekend for a night at Smokies at the Wilderness. Treats like this are rare because vacationing as a family of six is just so pricey. We do our best to cut costs by packing as many of our own meals and snacks as possible, traveling during off seasons, etc., but no matter how you cut it, it's still a nice chunk of change.
It was great to get away and be in a place where your only "must-do" is to have fun.

Braving the wave runner, surfing, thingie.

The waterpark was noisy, and James wanted to spend most of the time hiding in his Daddy's arms.

He did, however, become brave about ten minutes before it was time to go, and then it was quite the scene to get him to leave. The terrible two's are not that far away!

Dave is working this weekend so I'm back in single mom mode. It's funny how prior to this deployment, I dreaded drill weekends. Saturday and Sunday seemed to drag by, and I was constantly looking at the clock, hoping to see him before 7:00 PM. Yesterday, after a wonderful day outside in the sunshine, I finally looked at my watch, it was 5:30 PM, and I was wondering "My gosh! Where has our day gone? We've been having such a nice time!" No more clock watching, waiting impatiently, getting grumpy as it gets later and later. We do better with him, but we can do nicely without him as well. I've learned that as busy and unpredictable military life can be, the show can go on, with or without Hubby/Daddy. Most importantly, I can do this now with a smile instead of a disgruntled spirit. This may not seem like a big deal to most, but for me, this is a huge accomplishment.

This is short, but the showering is calling and church is soon to be starting. Hope you're having a nice weekend, and getting some of this sunshine that we have been enjoying.

2010-02-11T13:07:00.005-05:00

Can you see it?

Crummy weather made this a challenge to shoot. It wasn't easy to get the fast shutter speed with the little light that was available.

It pays to keep on trying though.

Don't worry. My husband is not shooting his bow with my son at his feet. He was showing my older son, who was further up the lawn, how to hold his bow correctly.

I love this photo because James is looking up at his Daddy, waiting so patiently for him to accept the gift/stick that he has come bearing. This little guy adores his Dad, and I love capturing their time together.

Three day weekend for the kids. We're hoping to head out of town for a night at a water park, but it's expensive. We're trying to save while striving to stay balanced, keeping things in perspective. We've never been away as a family since James has been born, and with our move coming up, I don't know when we'll be able to get away again.

Hope you have a great weekend.

Snow Day

2010-02-10T14:48:00.003-05:00

Shooting on a sunny, snowy day is a challenge that we have yet to master. My hubby snapped about 500 (!) photos of the kids playing, and most were very underexposed. Learning about exposure compensation is in order, but until then (and until we actually get more snow), these will have to do.

My second son, catching some air!

Sunday

2010-02-07T15:01:00.003-05:00

Church today convicted me.

My pastor asked "If a camera followed you Monday-Saturday, would your life reflect Christ?"

My first thought was "Are are you leaving out Sundays just because we come to church? There is still plenty of day left!"

I'm struggling.

Patience with my daughter and her learning issues. I don't know how to help her, and it frustrates me to no end. There is a part of me that wants to scream "HOW CAN YOU NOT GET THIS? WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR TWO YEARS?"

And then I struggle with guilt.

My son told me today, in the church parking lot, that changing Sunday school classrooms pissed him off.

My first reaction? To smack him across the head, to the horror of many people walking in with us.

Bad move, Amy.

For the record, he told me that he learned this word on the playground at school, when someone loses during four square. I'm just glad he didn't say "From you" because I will admit that word has been known to sliiiiip out from time to time.

I could go on and on, but whether it's one thing or a million, stumbling is stumbling.

I know what I need to do. I get to get things straight again. Rearrange my priorities. Return to Bible Study. Remember quiet times. Just remembering to pray would be an improvement on most days.

On that note, I'm off to enjoy time with family. Hubby is going to make Super Bowl munchies. I'm so blessed that not only does he love to cook, but it's something that he's really good at! We rarely watch football, the kids are more excited about the game then we are, but it's time just to relax, eat, and enjoy time together.

Hope you have had a nice weekend. Be back soon!

2010-02-02T13:54:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my husband's first day back at work. While it's been great to have him home, it's also so nice to return to our "normal" life. There's something comfortably familiar with having him go to work and come home. Not very exciting, but after a year of deployment, routine is a good thing.

He came downstairs in his uniform and my kids looked up from the table, surprised and almost startled with what stood before them.

My oldest broke the silence, announcing "Well Daddy, it's been good to have you home for this long. When are you coming home?"

Do you know how nice it was to be able to hear him say "Tonight?"

For right now, we are not counting months, hundreds of days, or even weeks.

Love it, love it.

On a different note, we are looking at something different this year. We thought we'd be on our way to Ft. Bragg in the next few months, but my husband was chosen for a class, which will take us out to Kansas sometime this summer or next winter.

Totally different than what we were planning, but that's military life. Sometimes being flexible is still too rigid. Someone out there say Hooah!

Anyway, I'm making Pioneer Woman's meatballs tonight. She's amazing, n'est pas? I'm amazed at all that she does and wish that I had half of her energy, creativity, and money. Tacky statement, but I'm just being honest. I covet her camera and lenses.

I'd like her suburban too.

On that note, I'm off to start those balls of meat.

2010-01-29T12:51:00.002-05:00

Only in East Tennessee would they cancel school for snow without there actually being any snow. We are under a winter weather advisory and the kids are home today, just waiting for the snow to start falling.
Right now it's 1:00 and we have yet to see a flake.
Cracks me up, considering we moved here from Michigan where I don't think the words "School cancelled" and "Snow" are ever mentioned in the same sentence.
Still, it's nice to have the kids home with us. Dave is still here helping me heal, and so it's another three day weekend for all of us. The time together is invaluable and an amazing blessing.

Dave took these photos on his first or second day home. Dave was still figuring out what James could and could not do, and he thought my "starting to use a spoon" was more like "he is using a spoon really well". I'd say this one meal clarified things just a little!
"Yes, Daddy, I still need some help and a bib might not be such a bad idea as well . . . "

Another ADD post

2010-01-28T07:19:00.003-05:00

I'm proud of myself.

This morning, while Dave continued to rest with the baby, I got the other three up and on their way to school. This may not seem like a major achievement, but considering where I was two weeks ago, this is quite an accomplishment.

Nothing is harder for me than having to sit and watch as the world goes by. Dave is doing an amazing job as Mr. Mom, but it's not how I want life to be. I have missed being a part of things, contributing to the household.

It feels good to be me again. Well, at least somewhat. I've got another month where lifting more than 5-1o lbs is a "no-no", but I can deal with that as long as I'm not in pain, bleeding, etc.

Yesterday I was watching TV, and the emergency notification started to honk. I thought there was something heinous in the works, but it was merely a winter storm advisory . . . for Friday. Yes, we are possibly getting a few inches of snow tomorrow and they are giving us 48 hours of notification. 48 hours!

I think about when we lived in Michigan, and we used to wake up to inches on top of inches of fresh snow.

"Did you know they were calling for this?"

"No".

And that was it.

I made this the other night and if you have a bread machine, you should try it. Prior to this recipe, I had plans to take the thing to the Goodwill because it didn't make anything we really enjoyed. Then I came upon this, and the Oster has a permanent place on my shelves again.

Honey Whole Wheat Bread

1.5 cups water
2 t salt
1/3 cup honey
2 1/4 cups bread flour
2 cups whole wheat flour
2T shortening
2T dry milk
1t bread machine yeast

This will make you a 2 lb loaf of the most wonderful bread in the world. Time it right and serve it fresh and hot with dinner.

Enjoy and please share if you have a yummy recipe for your bread machine. I'd love to try something new.

Helping Daddy

2010-01-24T16:14:00.001-05:00

I love moments like these.

2010-01-22T08:40:00.002-05:00

Glad this week is almost done.

Monday I posted about heading outside to enjoy the fresh air.

Whatever I did or didn't do sent me back to the OR on Tuesday for a "revision of posterior repair and control of hemorrhage".

I promise I did nothing more than walk up and down the street for five minutes.

The good news is that there has been no more bleeding since then so I'm hoping things are on the up and up.

I had a steroid shot for my throat yesterday, and I can already tell a difference this morning. Man! That stuff gives me the major munchies! Good thing I did have my tonsils out otherwise I'd be eating everything and more.

While watching TV yesterday, a little mouse came out of the air vent, sniffed all around for the crackers my kids tend to hide underneath the cabinet, and took off when he realized my husband had cleaned the stash.

Yes, I'm certain there was a mouse and it was not a figment of my Percocet imagination.

My daughter has been asked to join an after school intervention program. She is struggling with all sorts of things in school, namely writing, reading, and math. Is there anything else when you are only in K?

I truly don't know what else we can do to help her, and that frustrates me. There are truly things that she just doesn't get, and I'm at a loss.

Looking forward to the weekend and just being able to relax.

2010-01-18T14:57:00.003-05:00

Good night.

I had two of my babies without epidurals and I can honestly say that having my tonsils out has been more painful. I just can't get the pain to quit!

I keep reminding myself that in the end, this will all be worth it. One of the goals of these surgeries was to fix and eliminate my need to be on many medications, most of which were not really working. I want to fix, rather than patch, the issues that have been bothering me for quite some time.

Miralax worked wonders and today I'm feeling much better. :)

It's so nice out today that I feel guilty for even sitting here, typing not much of anything. Just waiting for my tea to warm and then I'm outside to defrost some. It's been so cold here for almost three weeks now, and today we've been blessed with sunshine and weather in the 60's. Love it and reminds me that spring is not too far away.

Love that my hubby is outside in the garage with the kids, working on a project for Boy Scouts. I can hear them laughing and just having a good time with him. It's amazing how he's only been home a month, yet watching us together, you would never know that we had been separated for over a year. The baby, especially, has done wonders. He loves his Daddy and doesn't seem to prefer one of us over the other at this point. We've transitioned very well.

God is good like that.

Time for some sunshine.

Hope you are well.

Golden

2010-01-16T14:58:00.002-05:00

After years of dealing with embarrassing, annoying, painful, and just not getting better health issues, I had surgery on Wednesday to hopefully fix the problems.

Tonsils out.

Things taken out, burnt, and straightened in my nose.

Rectocele repaired.

My GYN had this great idea that it would be better to do both at once, which will cut down on my recovery time in the long run.

Right now I feel like I've been run over by a mac truck.

I'd have to say that the tonsils, or lack there of, are bothering me the most. My tongue is also very swollen and sore, and I learned today that this is from the clamp that they use to hold the tongue out of the way throughout the procedure. Prior to learning about this, I thought I was going nuts. Who complains of tongue pain after having their tonsils out?

I've put on 12 lbs of fluid and have not "used the bathroom" since Tuesday. Look up rectocele repair and you'll see why this is becoming more and more concerning.

Anyone out there been through something similar? Ideas for a sore tongue? How to get things moving down below?

Sorry. Rather gross post, but this blog is about my life, and right now my inability to poop is my number one concern. So I'm sharing that with you.

It's the Percocet talking. I'm going to look back at this post in a few days, weeks, etc. and be mortified. Oh well.

Should I also mention that I can't lift anything more than 10 lbs for six weeks?

Three Weeks Ago . . .

2010-01-09T21:53:00.001-05:00

2010-01-07T08:23:00.003-05:00

It's amazing how just when you think you have it all figured out, you have something that comes along and blows it out of the water.

James.

My fourth child, who 24 hours ago was waking up from his first, full night of sleep since birth.

I danced around all day yesterday, so happy that both he and I had slept well for the first time in months.

I know that set backs aren't uncommon, but I wasn't prepared for what he pulled this morning.

He started protesting around 3:00, and finally at 4:30 I called it quits and brought him downstairs to start our day.

What in the world happened?

I know there are so many thoughts on sleep out there, but I can tell you this.

He does not sleep better with me.

I started co-sleeping this summer out of desperation, and while the first few weeks went well, it quickly deteriorated. He learned very quickly that he could nurse throughout the night, and before I said "I've had enough!", he was nursing almost every hour. He would wake up crying, thrashing and disoriented, until I nursed him back to sleep. I would get up to use the bathroom at night, and he would wake up as well, screaming because he didn't know where I had gone.

I've tried it all; anything and everything to avoid having to listen to him wail in protest at night.

But something has to change and Ferber's progressive waiting seems to be our best bet.

Honestly, it hasn't been that bad prior to last night.

I'm beat.

Overwhelmed.

I look around my house and feel like all I do is clean up one thing after another and nothing gets majorly accomplished.

I have PMS.

There is no chocolate in the house.

It's going to be a long day.

Life

2010-01-01T10:27:00.003-05:00

So my husband is home and we are living life as a family of six.

It's wonderful, but still very different.

The Army gives soldiers 30 days of leave after a deployment, and since it coincides with the kids' Christmas break, everyone has been home for the past two weeks. We've gone from a fairly structured day to nothing.

I think it's starting to make us all batty. Routine, or at least something, is a good thing and we don't have one right now. The kids going back to school is going to be a step in the right direction.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled for this down time and that we are all together. It's just a big change and like any change, it takes a few to get used to.

I'm ready to go back to Life 2008. Right now I feel like I did when Dave was home on leave, and it's still hard to think that he's not leaving soon.

I guess the best word is that I feel unsettled, and I am emotionally preparing for him to leave in a few days. It's taking time to sink in that he's going to be here tomorrow, this week, this month . . .

On a totally different note, we have started to "Ferberize" James. I know this word makes some people sick, but we're at our wits' end. I could list everything we've tried prior to last night, and it would take most of my morning. I'm desperate for sleep. I have not had a straight night of sleep since he's been born.

Maybe that's why I feel unsettled. I'm in a chronic state of exhaustion and everything in my life reflects that - my house, my weight, my lack of organization, etc.

Last night was night number one, and it went very well. Nursed him to sleep, he fussed for a few seconds when I put him down, and then we had peace for about an hour.

When he started to cry, I sent my hubby in to resettle him. It took three visits and about 12 minutes for him to fall back to sleep. He was up two other times, Dave went in, and had him back to sleep in about two minutes.

He was up for the day at 5:30, which is not ideal, but at least we didn't suffer through hours of crying like I was dreading.

Will see how tonight goes.

Wish me luck.

I HATE the sound of a crying babe.

He's Home

2009-12-29T09:28:00.000-05:00

Somtimes The Best Things in Life . . .

2009-12-16T16:55:00.004-05:00

. . . Aren't The Things We Had Planned.

There was a time when I wasn't sure how I was going to enjoy "regressing". Back to naps, diapers, sippy cups, etc.

Now I can't imagine life without them. Without this beautiful smile.

This deep, joyful belly laugh that reminds me how wonderful life truly is. Despite deployments, long days as a "single" mother, etc., I can't imagine life without this 32 inch wonder in our home.

And the best part of it all? I get to share it with his Daddy in two days! No more long distance descriptions, blurry Skyping, etc. He gets to see this smile in person.

It's Time . . .

2009-12-15T19:35:00.001-05:00

. . . to come home.

2009-12-12T15:04:00.002-05:00

Hoping that this is my last weekend without my husband.

I should be doing this or that, but I mostly feel like watching the time pass, and counting how much closer we are to the end.

You would think four kids + the holidays would keep me busier than ever, but my heart is mostly in this homecoming.

Pressing forward.

Literally one hour at a time.

What They Call A Big Snow Down Here

2009-12-06T01:00:00.001-05:00

Having lived in Michigan, the excitement and panic that this amount of snow creates is almost comical. People rush to the stores, stocking up on bread and milk because "You just never know when you will be able to get out again".

Love it.

Also love that it doesn't stay around for too long.

One morning of struggling with boots, gloves, wet clothes, etc., and I give thanks that it will disappear soon.

Like, by the end of the day.

It's just that we don't have the right snow gear anymore, and without it, it's just a cold mess to be outside for any length of time.

Still, the kids shot off Saturday morning, congregating with other neighbor kids in the cul-de-sac.

A snowlady was assembled, snow balls were tossed, and the laughter was sweet to my ears.

Praying for Patience

2009-12-05T11:45:00.002-05:00

I've been off my blog for a few weeks.

I'm scattered.

Too out in left field to put something together that is profound and "meaningful".

Mom was here this week for five, whole, wonderful, Panera-filled, coffee drinking, Christmas wish walking, holding my baby so my arms could rest, takin' the kids up to the bus stop at 7:00 AM in the freezing weather, sitting across the couch from me at night and making me laugh, days.

It was perfect.

I wish she was still here.

Anyways, I'm absolutely obsessed with thinking about my husband coming home.

It's all I can really think about.

Dream of.

Reminds me a lot of those last few weeks of pregnancy, when you are absolutely consumed with what is soon to come.

Focusing and thinking internally about what this and that means.

"Are these Braxton Hicks or contractions?"

Isn't it funny how you wonder that until you finally have the real thing and then you think "How could I EVER forget this!?!?"

Anyways, all I can think about is my husband's return.

Time seems to be dragggggiiiinnngg . . . .

My motivation is nonexistent and if it weren't for the kids I'd be on the couch watching movies and reading, focusing on another hour down and closer to THE day.

Which we still don't know when that will be.

We have a "window" but more than likely, we should have him home in less than three weeks.

Woo hoo!

That's all I can say about that.

I do have to add that we bought a real tree this year. First time in 6 years that we have had something besides the fake number that I bought when Dave was deployed last.

The thing smells great but sure is messy. I've forgotten how many needles a day those things can drop!

Still, what is better than the smell of a Christmas tree?

I am proud of myself and the kids. We picked one out, got it on top of the car, home, in the stand nice and straight, and decorated so nicely.

Can't wait for hubby to see it.

Will post photos soon.

Off to enjoy the dusting of snow that we got last night.

Hoping you are having a blessed holiday season.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-28T10:16:00.000-05:00

This Kid Keeps Me Busy

2009-11-20T18:11:00.003-05:00

Not only is this messy, but it's costly too. K-Cups! What a thing to waste!

Apparently playing/inhaling in coffee grounds isn't the best thing for your respiratory system. It appears that the stuff is somewhat of a nasal irritant.

I need to get this kid a sand box.

And maybe some new toys. Who knew undies could make a kid so happy?

Today

2009-11-14T19:07:00.002-05:00

Today I packed up my kids and my new polarizing filter for my camera. We rode bikes down to the church, and I snapped photos of whoever would hold still. Jack was the only one game, and these are a few of my photos.
I'm disappointed with the shadows. I didn't think they were going to be this bad.

Anyways, the kids ran around the church playground until they got bored.

At that time, my older two thought it would be fun to try and climb to the roof of the church.

Ummmm . . . no dice.

Get down please.

All in all, a good afternoon.

Half way through the month tomorrow.

The days can't go by fast enough.

Love Notes

2009-11-08T09:04:00.004-05:00

My daughter loves to make little notes.

They are cute, sweet, and often depict a photo of our family.

She never leaves out her Daddy, which I'm so grateful for.

I've always loved getting her little notes and finding them all over the house.

Today, however, would be the exception.

This is one note I could have done without.

Think this is a mess?
You should have seen the clothes!

Because If Someone Else Called You a Girl . . .

2009-11-01T01:00:00.003-04:00

I knew it was time for a haircut.
I was procrastinating for many reasons, the biggest being that I loved his curls.

But today, when for the ump-teenth time, someone called him a cute little girl, I knew it was time.

I know I shouldn't care, but being called a girl, in addition to my kids putting bows in his hair, giving him ponytails, etc., . . . Well, I figured he could use a little trim.

So off we went and five minutes later, this is what we walked out with.

I know.
He has boogies.
The boogie-removing tool is the one thing that I haven't figured out how to use yet on Photoshop.

Trying to Figure it Out

2009-10-31T11:07:00.004-04:00

Man.

There are some amazing blogs out there.

People do the most amazing things with their photos, layouts, etc., and I feel way behind.

Thanks to the help of Mrs Staff Sergeant, I'm starting to learn the ropes.

Well, at least something to get me beyond the basics.

These were taken last week when my parents came to visit. My Dad very patiently helped the kids carve their pumpkins.

You'll notice that it started with all four kids excitedly perched on the bench, grossed out by the pumpkin "guts" that he was pulling out.

But soon the excitement wore off and the cheese stood alone.

It was a great weekend.

Fun times.

Good meals.

Excellent company.

My sister is coming on Monday with my niece and nephew. They'll stay five days, and the fun will continue.

I can't wait.

We'll stay up late ("late" translates as we'll try to stay awake past 9:00), and eat "great" meals together.

Great meals also has an unique translation in this case.

It means mac and cheese with nights of grilled cheese and pancakes in between. Heavy on the ice cream, I may add.

We'll go to the Zoo and let the kids run at the park.

It's going to be great, and I know the time will pass all too quickly.

I may not let her leave!

Meanwhile, the days will continue to pass and we'll be that much closer to the end.

Tomorrow will start what will hopefully be my last full month without my husband.

Starting to really count the days.

2009-10-28T10:54:00.002-04:00

When this deployment started I wouldn't let myself think about the end.

It was December 1, 2008, and when people would ask when he was coming home, just saying "January 2010" was enough to make my stomach turn.

I would never dwell on the amount of time that I had left because frankly, it was too depressing.

400 days is a looooong time to be separated.

But now we are getting closer, and honestly, his homecoming is all that I can think about.

It's to the point where it's almost consuming me.

Looking at the calendar.

Counting the days.

Fantasizing about the reunion in the airport.

Wishing it were already here.

Tired of the fact that it's not.

I'm trying to find distractions, but none are as appealing as thinking about him.

Our family.

What Christmas will be like.

What will I make for dinner.

Things we'll do in the evenings.

Walks we will take.

Trips we will set out on.

Summer vacation.

A winter trip to Florida.

Errands without all four kids.

Or even one, for that matter.

My son will have a parent-partner at Scouts, something which he has really missed.

Date night.

Family night.

My husband.

My best friend.

The most amazing gift God has given me . . .

Is almost home.

Pumpkins

2009-10-25T13:15:00.001-04:00

Halloween, originally uploaded by AnOBRN.

Been Busy

2009-10-21T15:30:00.002-04:00

I'm still here.

Just been very busy.

Went to spend a few days with my parents, which was like a breath of fresh air.

Still have a sick baby, which has kept me up at night and feeling half asleep most of the time.

I have another one who is "doing very badly" in math so I'm trying to figure out the best way to cement an understanding of double digit multiplication.

Trying to figure out the best discipline method for naughty behavior. Sometimes I feel as though the kids walk all over me. Makes me not only angry, but somewhat scared at the lack of control I can have at times.

Hoping to carve pumpkins this weekend.

Would like to read a book sometime soon.

I made an awesome cobra out of clay for a school project. We get to finish painting him today.

I had a delicious pumpkin spice donut yesterday. Thank goodness Krispy Kreme is so far away.

My sister is coming in a few weeks to keep me company and lend a hand. I'm so excited and so grateful for her time and assistance.

Kids are home from school so I'm off.

Until next time . . .

It's a New Day

2009-10-11T09:53:00.001-04:00

James, originally uploaded by AnOBRN.

I woke up to this face this morning.

How could this not warm your heart?

It's a new day.

A new week.

Fun things are coming my way, and praying that if we stay healthy, I'll be at them all.

Hoping to see family this week as we travel to Virginia.

Planning to carve out time for myself so that I can stop, breathe, and enjoy life.

I may not be exactly where I want to be, but who is?

We all have wants and desires, but when those overshadow the blessings that are sitting in our laps, life begins to taste sour.

I'm fighting that right now, the biggest want being my husband.

Our structure.

Our routine.

Our dinners, where we sit together and share about life.

Our laughter.

Our family.

It's coming.

I've never wanted anything more in my life.

2009-10-10T09:34:00.003-04:00

OK.

This has not been the best few days for me.

Sort of downer posts and this one is going to be the same.

I don't want pity or a head patting.

It's that I know there is someone out there who can relate, and that is what I love about blogging.

You are never alone is this busy world.

I'm going through a jealous phase.

I browse blogs and find myself getting jealous.

Jealous of their nice clothes when I'm starting at things that are beyond their years.

Someone told me the other day that I needed to have more variety in my wardrobe.

I need more dollars and time for that, my friend.

I look at what they cook, and I wish I had that energy and motivation.

I wish I had someone here who would appreciate it.

People have hobbies and passions that they share, post, and thrive on.

Right now my only hobby seems to be doing laundry and breaking up arguments.

People enjoy spending as much time as they can with their kids, and most days I'm counting the minutes until bedtime.

I used to read to my kids before bed, and now I do a book-on-tape and call it a night.

They post photos of their husbands doing fun things with their kids.

Nope to that one as well.

It's been a rough few weeks, and I know that's a large part of why I feel this way.

The kids have been sick so the few things I have been doing - Bible Study, church, etc. - I've had to miss.

I've been missing things for almost a year while hubby has been deployed, and I'm tired of it.

I know some are going to read this and think that I sound ungrateful.

You may look at my life and wish you had so many of the things that I've listed and am currently finding fault with.

Please forgive me.

My pity party will end soon.

I promise.

I'm just tired.

And out of balance in so many ways.

Can anyone relate?

Balance or Lack There Of

2009-10-09T01:00:00.001-04:00

Lack of balance.

Do you ever feel it?

I feel like I eat, sleep, and breath this crazy life 24/7.

I do, do, do, fall asleep, and start over again when the alarm beeps at 6:21.

Then I hit snooze for 9 more minutes.

I'm starting to strongly dislike the mother that I'm becoming, someone with little patience and motivation.

My son told me the other day, through tears, that I never encourage him.

Ok. That's not true, but still. The fact that it was even said bums me out.

My patience and motivation for doing homework with him, while trying to do dinner, keep the baby from throwing more things in the toilet, etc., is beginning to wear out.

We've eaten more fast food in the past week than we have this entire deployment.

I have no motivation to cook for kids who could care less about what appears on their plates. In fact, they would rather have McD's than anything else I could make at home.

I have to confess. I was that way as a kid. McD's was the highlight of my day, week, month, you name it. Anything to get that Happy Meal.

My son refused a doughnut this morning. Does that give you any idea about how we have been living?

Anyways, back to the point.

I'm tired of living a life where I'm waiting for the balance to return.

Only two more months but right now that seems like eternity.

I'm trying. I really am.

But the wind is quickly leaving my tired sails.

I'm ready to come ashore and be done with this trip.

It's been far too long . . . .

Rocket Launch

2009-10-08T08:52:00.001-04:00

David's Rocket, originally uploaded by anobrn.

I know this is a repeat post, but I wanted to see how this looked uploaded from Flickr. I've been working on my photography, and was so disappointed with how Blogger uploaded this one photo in particular.
Much better, don't you think?

Getting Warm . . .

2009-10-06T16:42:00.001-04:00

023, originally uploaded by anobrn.

I think I'm finally starting to figure out the photo thing. It's about time. I've been blogger for about four years!

Trying to Figure It Out

2009-10-06T15:09:00.002-04:00

I've been frustrated with Blogger's photo quality so I'm trying to see if posting through Flickr will make a difference.

Here goes nothin'!

War

2009-10-06T13:02:00.003-04:00

This breaks my heart.

What bothers me even more is that I can tell you the name of the intern that David Letterman had an affair with, but I had no idea the names of these men until I came across this article.

Their names are Sgt. Joshua J. Kirk of South Portland, Maine; Spc. Michael P. Scusa of Villas, New Jersey; Spc. Stephen L. Mace of Lovettsville, Virg.; Spc. Christopher T. Griffin of Kincheloe, Michigan; and Pfc. Kevin C. Thomson of Reno, Nevada.

I haven't heard anything about them, as individuals, on the news.

Have you?

I do know that they were packing and planning to come home two days prior to the attack.

My husband has over two months left, and yet he has already started to pack. We talk and make plans about our lives together once he returns. There is already such excitement and we still have far to go.

I cannot imagine getting a call two days before he was set to leave country.

So close to being done.

So close to being home, enjoying fall and the holidays.

The government is planning to meet today to review their strategy in Afghanistan.

It's about time.

Something needs to be done.

By the way.

The name of Letterman's fling?

Stephanie.

The Face of the Flu

2009-10-04T11:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, I give my kids drugs.

I believe on taking it easy with certain things, but the flu is nothing to mess around with. We've had this bug every year for the past three years, and I know that getting Tamiflu on board is the key to feeling better faster and preventing it from spreading around your home. I cringe when I hear people mention that their child has been sick with flu like symptoms for days and yet they have not been to the MD. Tamiflu works wonders - I'm talking WONDERS - if taken within 48 hours of becoming symptomatic with the flu.

So what else is in this photo?

Phenergan. I ask for this each time we get Tamiflu because it makes two of my kids vomit.

Motrin and Tylenol. I use both when they are battling the first few days of the flu, typically the time when their fevers are sky high. Last year, even with both on board, I could not get Jack's fever below 103.

Sudafed. Nothing else works better are clearing up boogers. Phenylephrine, which is in everything OTC now, just doesn't cut it. I'd be willing to be that your MD will tell you the same.

Delsym. This stuff lasts 12 hours and I tend to give it only at nighttime unless the MD says it's OK to do so. There are certain ailments where coughing is actually beneficial, and preventing your child from doing so could actually make the condition worse.

Another thing I love? The Nosefrida. You can look at this and gag all you want, but I'm telling you. This thing is the best booger sucker out there. Take a look at the Amazon reviews and you'll see I'm not the only one who ~~is gross~~ thinks so.

I have a great rice sock that the kids use when their ears hurt, and "coldies" that work wonders on their bumps and bruises.

What do you keep around your house to help with coughs, colds, and boo-boos?

I'd love to know!

Helping Women Survivors of War Rebuild Their Lives | Women for Women International

2009-10-02T16:13:00.002-04:00

I'm so pumped.

I watched Oprah yesterday for the first time in years, and was amazed by this program. I quickly jumped on line and signed up to sponsor a rape survivor for $27.00/month. I should receive the information about my "sister" in 4-6 weeks, and then we can begin to correspond. I pray that this will be a bigger blessing for me than it will be for her.

Take a few to check out this program. It's amazing how the money I would spend on two trips through the drive thru can change someones entire life!

Helping Women Survivors of War Rebuild Their Lives Women for Women International

Shared via AddThis

School Photos

2009-10-01T07:40:00.003-04:00

School photos.

Who doesn't remember being sent to school in something that was usually saved for Sundays, hair plastered just right, and threats made not to get dirty before your snap was taken?

I remember being hustled on to that stool, lights in my face, holding the black comb for last minute adjustments, and giving it my best, all while some man was hollering "Turn your head a little this way. A little more, a little more . . . NOW HOLD and give me a pretty one, princess".

At some point the "nice smiles" were replaced with something that looked almost painful. Maybe forced would be a better word.

My son brought his proofs home yesterday and I had to laugh because I could feel so much of what his face was expressing.

Excellent.

2009-09-28T07:59:00.002-04:00

Starting the first of the week up and running!

Life is so busy.

We've been sick - passing the flu around like most of the US - but life has little time to slow down. One may be down but the others always have something else to do. I'm praying that James and I finish this thing out soon. I'm beat!

I started and finished A Thousand Splendid Suns. What a great, sad, easy, interesting, thought provoking read. Excellent book. Now I am moving on to Alice Springs by Nikki Gemmell. Thank goodness for the library otherwise groceries would be a luxury. I love, love, love to read.

The windows are open this morning and it feels wonderful. Tomorrow we should wake up to temperatures in the 40s!

My son mowed our neighbor's lawn yesterday after realizing he was going to need some extra income. Oh the "needs" of a 4th grader! I was so proud of him, mowing our lawn and then moving on to theirs. Start to finish, the jobs took about two hours and he did a great job. I was a nervous Mommy, wanting everything to look nice so he'll be asked to mow again. Mission accomplished.

This week we start selling Scout popcorn x 2. All I can say is that it's not really my thing. I just don't like door to door sales. I think it's the fear of rejection. "But you're not the one selling, Amy!" I know, but it's my children so that's close enough. I take it personally, even if popcorn is their least favorite food in the world.

My daughter wet the bed again. I swear I'm washing dirty sheets at least three times a week.

We saw "Meatballs" yesterday. Cute little flick, and if you have the extra cash, see it in 3-D.

Stouffers makes a good Chicken Alfredo. I may not give you the fanciest, ultra homemade recipes on here, but by golly, I'll tell you what's good from the frozen section. Do you have a favorite from the frozen aisle? I think we are going to be surviving on these meals until Dave gets home.

Life.

Nothing exciting, but always interesting.

What are you up to this week?

Trying

2009-09-26T12:12:00.006-04:00

Trying
so hard
to stay

awake.

Ahhhh . . . . finally rest.

It looks uncomfortable to watch, but too cute not to snap on camera.

2009-09-25T19:23:00.001-04:00

This is enough to really make me wonder about the H1N1 vaccine.

Breastfeeding and Pumpkins

2009-09-24T01:00:00.000-04:00

Thanks for the comments regarding my previous post. It's always interesting to hear what others have to say.

I nurse my babies because I believe it's the best food for them. I am determined to give them the best, and it's this determination that gets me through those first six to eight weeks of nothing but nursing and very little sleep.

Those first few months wipe me out. I would be lying if I didn't admit to fantasizing about switching to formula so I could hand over the feedings at night and sleep to my heart's content. I am someone who loves, and needs, their sleep.

But with each of my boys, I have pressed on, and have fallen in love with nursing and all that it has to offer.

Warm snuggles, especially when it's the only time they will let you hold them.

Food on demand anytime and anyplace.

FREE!

A way to stop the hurt, scared, and sad tears.

An easy way to transition into nap and bedtime.

A way to lower my chances of breast cancer, something which is in my family's medical history.

Puts off a visit from Aunt Flo. Last month I had my first period since James' birth. Almost two years without a period. Score!

The list goes on and on, but I guess what it comes down to is that I have never had a reason to wean so I let the kids decide when it's time to be done. Nursing my babies just makes my life easier.

And so James and I will continue our nursing relationship, and I'll savor our time together, knowing that he's my last baby and that the time is passing all too quickly. I still can't believe it's been a year since he came into our family.

Anyways, on a totally different note, I love that today is the first day of fall.

I love that it's 8:00 and dark outside. More time for us to hunker down together, read, and relax.
Also, it's just plain easier to get the kids in bed! "But Mom! It can't be time for bed! It's still light outside!" Does anyone out there know what I'm talking about?

I love opening the windows in the morning and smelling that fresh, crisp air.

The heat and humidity is relenting and playing outside is enjoyable again.

The leaves on our trees are beginning to blush, and my dogwoods are full of shiny red berries that the birds love to devour.

I love that pumpkin this and that is appearing again. I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of my pumpkin spice K-Cups, and I'll start hunting for pumpkin ice cream soon.

What do I love most of all?

The indication that time is moving forward and that we are another season closer to becoming a reunited family after 400 days of deployment.

What is your favorite thing about fall?

I'd love to know!

And So We Continue

2009-09-23T06:00:00.003-04:00

So James is now one year old, and I'm still nursing him. Not a big deal, but I give it a few more months and then it'll begin to get "weird" for some people.

Questions will start.

I'll start to get the "You're still doing that!?!?!" look.

I remember having dinner at someone's home when Jack was 15 months old. He started to fuss and I knew that he wanted to nurse. It was myself and two other women so I figured I'd just nurse him at the table while we enjoyed our dinner.

Why not?

"Oh wow. How much longer are you going to be doing that?"

"Ummm I don't know. He doesn't nurse very long. Five minutes or so."

"No, I mean that. Nursing him period".

He was 15 months old, and still very much a baby in my mind. He had no other "lovey" so nursing was more than just a source of food, but a place of comfort and security. I didn't see it as strange, but it was very obvious that they did.

That was my first encounter with nursing an "older" child, and from that point on I slowly made my way into the closet with those who continue to nurse as long as their child desires.

People, not knowing that I was still nursing Jack, would make comments about those who nurse past the age of one.

I've heard it called weird, strange, and just plain wrong.

I find it so interesting how the breastfeeding issue is approached.

You're a "bad" mom if you choose not to nurse.

The pressure put on mothers to nurse is tremendous.

People give kudos to those who can make it to six weeks.

Once you have hit six months you deserve some sort of reward.

Make it a year and you have done just what "they" recommend. In fact, you make up a very small percentage of mothers.

Push it past a year and things quickly change.

Everything that was so wonderful, natural, the best for baby, etc., begins to be viewed in a different light.

Why?

Who says that one is the magic number?

The perfect age to wean?

I'd love your thoughts.

Daddy

2009-09-22T07:55:00.003-04:00

So we are battling the flu at our house.
I think anyone out there will tell you that being alone and dealing with sickness is one of the toughest challenges you can come up against.
You need this or that, but don't want to take the kids out.
No one wants to watch your kids while you get this or that because they don't want to be exposed to what is brewing in your home.
One needs to go to the MD but what to do with the others during the visit.
You'd rather leave them at home so you don't expose them to what is floating around the MD office.
But you can't because of the fact that no one wants to come to your house . . . .
I'm run down, and would love to say "Honey, I'm going to head to bed early. Can you wrap it up?"
Instead I say "Babies, I'm run down. Let's head to bed early and once this is over, we'll go to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate".
My reward system/bribing comes out in full force when I'm desperate, especially for sleep.
Here's to a better day and thinking of better times.
I'd give anything to have this man in my home right now.
On that note, we are looking at "only" sixteen more weeks and then, God willing, homecoming.

Teaching James that Daddy is an OK guy.

While You Were Emptying the Dishwasher . . .

2009-09-20T10:05:00.003-04:00

I was busy having my own fun. Come and see, Mommy.
This bathroom had carpet on the floor until a few months ago. Thank goodness our landlord had mercy and replaced it. You cannot imagine the smell. Boys with bad aim + carpet = nastiness that is beyond description.

Again, why do I buy toys?

2009-09-17T13:43:00.002-04:00

So grown up and yet . . .

Rockets

2009-09-16T07:21:00.003-04:00

Every day is a learning experience when you are being Mom+Dad.

Last night was no exception.

The boys had their rocket launch and I worked my best to get those things ready and then reready (is that even a word?).

Everything looked good until the fuse had been lit.

Yes, they went up, but they came back down very quickly.

Too quickly.

Embarrassingly quickly.

"Ohhhh . . . . someone must have bought an "A"."

Well, of course I did. It said on the box that it would take an "A" engine so that is what I bought. Little did I know that we should have gotten a "C", but I learned that at the moment my boys' rockets went up, and then raced back to the Earth, all too quickly.

"See, Mom. I told you that Daddy would know how to do it better".

Boys. I tried. I really did. Hopefully when you get older, you'll look back at this time and realize I did just about everything, including juggling while standing on my head, to make things run as smoothly as possible without your father.

There are just somethings I don't know, and I'm learning as we go along.

What I am learning is how do use the shutter on my camera to get better action shots. These are the rockets as they launch about 30 feet off of the ground.

Pretty cool, huh?

I loved these shots. A little man and his daddy are walking hand in hand, searching for their rocket together. It was such a perfect night at a beautiful location.

This is totally random, but it's my little guy loving on his Daddy Doll. Gosh how we miss him!

Fall Creek Falls

2009-09-11T09:37:00.007-04:00

This is a great park, and I'd love to go back soon and stay for a few days. It's got to be one of the best kept secrets for family vacations; cabins, swimming, horseback riding, biking, activities, golf, etc. It's a state park as well so the prices are reasonable.

We stopped here to have lunch and let the kids climb on the rocks. David's job was to toss his flip flop waaaaaay out . . .

and Jack's job was to retrieve it once it had floated down stream. Boys.

People were jumping from the top of here, and my boys begged me to put on my suit and do the same. I'm glad they think so highly of me.

One of the overlooks.

Love my chickens.

The highest waterfall east of the Rockies . . . I think. :) You can hike to the bottom of the waterfall, which sounds great until you see all of the people who have climbed back up.

Great place with even better memories.

Double Jeopardy?

2009-09-09T11:30:00.002-04:00

So last spring a friend tipped me off to something naughty my son had done.

"Ummm . . . I just thought you would want to know that David is funding his concession stand fever with your husband's quarters".

Come to find out that he had dipped into Dave's quarter collection to pay for ring pops when he went to watch his friend's baseball games.

Totally off the subject . . . well, not really . . . I remember being into these things too. The ring pops that is, not taking my parents money. I would sport a big ol' red one and lick/suck/bite on that thing for hours.

In fact, I really liked candy cigarettes and loved to "puff" out that white stuff, feeling so cool and grown-up. Do they even make those things anymore?

Anyways, last night I found out that his sticky fingers paid for more than just ring pops. He was able to purchase items from school: cool pencils, markers, erasers, etc. All in all, he confessed to taking about 20-30 quarters from my husband after realizing "You don't have money, Mom."

So, now I sit, trying to figure out how to deal with something that I punished him for in the spring. I made him work off the ring pops and write a paper on why we don't steal. Now I find out that his "crime" was greater than what I had originally thought, and I'm not sure what to do.

Thoughts?

2009-09-06T20:27:00.004-04:00

I had the opportunity to see my husband before he left for Iraq. He's been in a class for the past two weeks and the channel flight departed close to our home. It was a no brainer that we would make the effort to see him again.

It was wonderful except that we had to say good-bye . . . again.

You would think by now that we'd be a pro at these sort of things, but honestly it's becoming harder as this deployment continues.

I'm praying that we never endure another deployment away from a post again. While I have friends who have blessed us with help, the understanding is just not there.

And please understand that I don't expect it to be.

Nobody can understand what it's like to say good-bye, sending a loved one into a war zone, until you've done so. Living without your spouse, whose life is in constant danger for a year, just isn't the norm.

Which leads me to the point of all this.

Support.

You need it.

Believe me.

Especially on days like today.

I had a fellow Army wife walk into my house the other day and her first words were "WHERE IS YOUR SUPPORT?" Having always lived on either post or close to one, she could not imagine enduring a deployment away from family, either biological or Army.

I now understand why ladies pack up and rent homes close to their families during deployments.
I now understand why base housing, no matter what the condition, provides comfort and a place of immeasurable support.

Days like today and plenty others in between just plain suck. There is a loneliness and emptiness to them that needs to be fought off with the soothing balm of love and kindness that comes from those closest to you.

The aching hole in my heart, my family, my home, etc., needs to be tended too and sometimes it's just too much for me to "fix".

I told myself that I would be brave, strong, and do this mostly by myself.

Today is one of those days where I really regret making that choice.

I'm sad, lonely, desperately missing my husband, and I need a hug.

Maybe I'll just start with a cup of coffee . . . .

And a quiet time where I'll ask Him for strength, peace, and warmth in my heart.

And I'll put my head down, begin to plow forward, and continue counting the days.

"I Can Do It, Mom!"

2009-09-06T10:00:00.002-04:00

This was taken last Monday, the start of Anna's first full week in school, and the morning that she got to ride the bus for the first time.
I wish I could say this has been an easy first week for her, but it hasn't been as smooth as I was hoping.
She had a hard time finding a place to sit on the bus and cried one morning for the entire, 20 minute ride. This, of course, resulted in more crying when I told her that she was going to ride the bus the next morning, and the next, and the next, etc.
We have now worked out a "system" where she gets on before her brother, and he tells her to"SIT THERE!"
She collapses by the end of the day (sometimes early afternoon), her little body not adjusted to the daily in's and out's of the school routine.
She is struggling with remembering some of the basics that they are learning.

Still, she has that smile and a determined personality, which gets up at 6:30 and bravely announces "I'm ready to go, Mom!" She's trying, and doing such a good job at being our brave, "big" girl.

Big brother is very protective! She's a lucky girl. These boys take care of her . . . most of the time!
All ready to go!

Ok. I tried to Photoshop this and it made her . . .well . . . yellow. I have so much to learn.

2009-09-02T10:59:00.006-04:00

I made this the other night, and it now has a permanent home in my list of recipes. It was everything I dreamed it would be, and more.

I started out the meal preparation with a nice glass of wine. There is something about having a glass of wine while making dinner that really does something for me. The name of this wine is rather cheesy, but it's good stuff. Try some today if wine is your thing.
I had Jack come in and break up the spaghetti noodles. Good project for a boy with excess energy. Boys - they always seem to be searching out things to crush, break, take apart, etc. Has anyone else ever noticed that?
Then Jack ran off with my camera and took this photo of my husband and James. I know that the blue blanket is hideous but it is:
1. A gift
2. Made of down
3. Really soft
I hide it when people come over.

Ta da! The finished project. I know it doesn't look all that appealing, but I promise it's all that and a bag of chips. My kids ate it without complaints, and there were leftovers for lunch the next day.

Make it and be happy!

Quiet

2009-08-31T08:58:00.002-04:00

Today I put three out of my four children on the school bus.

It was strange to come home to a quiet, "empty" house at 7:10 AM.

Even James seemed a little lost, staggering around, yelling, wondering why no one was hollering back.

I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to clean while no one was there to make a mess right behind me.

Going through Anna's room, I was struck with the feeling that, in a way, I've "lost" a part of her to school. Putting away all of her special things was like putting away pieces of our time together.

All the mornings that we would pal around, go Krogering, color, search for good reads at the library, enjoy snacks at Panera . . .

Those mornings now belong to Mrs. Bumgardener, her teacher for the school year.

There is an excitement that comes with this new "freedom", but also a sense of sadness, worry, etc.

Have I prepared her well for her first year at school?

Was there more we could have done together, just the two of us? Did I take full advantage of our time together?

Should I have kept her home this year? She is one of the younger kids to be starting school, but she is so excited and truly wants to be one of those "big kids".

Lots of questions and few answers.

What struck me the most today was just how fast time is going. This little girl, who four years ago was waiting for us in a Chinese orphanage, is now sitting in an American classroom. Our long days at home together have come and gone, much too quickly.

You've come a long way, Baby.

I just wish there was more time to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Knoxville Zoo

2009-08-29T20:09:00.004-04:00

We spent the afternoon at the Knoxville Zoo yesterday, and it's an amazing place to visit. Not too big, not too small - the perfect size for a zoo, in my opinion. What really makes this place, however, is that they have a great place for kids to play. We could spend the whole time visiting the play area if I wasn't insistent on doing something else. Here are just a few of my snaps. I'll add some more tomorrow. Pancakes are ready to be made so I'm off!

There is this wonderful butterfly exhibit, where all sorts of pretty things float around for a few months out of the year.
Jack, trying very hard to be still and "blend in" with the rock, hoping that one would come and land on him. No such luck.

These are one of God's grossest creations, the naked mole rat. In the middle of this pile is a large, always pregnant, female. At least whatever eats them doesn't haven't to worry about hairballs. Gag.

This is another reason I want Photoshop. I love this photo except that my son was eating almonds, and you can see them in his teeth! Help! I need to tooth tool!

This was fun to see. Usually when we visit it's so warm the animals are doing nothing but sleeping or standing like statues. Today the zebras were fighting - "JUST LIKE US MOM!" - and the kids loved the action.

Even my baby was captivated by the action!

2009-08-26T16:41:00.002-04:00

Randy Sartin, the photographer who shot our reunion photos through the military's Oplove Program, put together this awesome collage for us. Faced with many beautiful photos and limited wall space, I figured a collage would be the way to go. I took one look at this and knew I had made the right choice! I love how it turned out.

I'm thinking about the best place to hang it. I want it to be someplace where I can see it often and draw strength and love from the memories that it invokes. What a great few weeks we had together. Not much longer and he'll be home for good!

2009-08-25T11:14:00.003-04:00

A local church made "Daddy dolls" for the families of deployed soldiers. I requested two, as we already have one. I figured this would give each child a special something to remember their Daddy by, especially since saying good-bye is still so fresh.

I explained to the kids who would be coming and what they were bringing. I needed to do some prep work so the kids wouldn't burst out, saying "WE ALREADY HAVE ONE! WHY DID YOU MAKE US ANOTHER ONE?"

Two of my kids were thrilled with the gifts, but one wanted nothing to do with it. "All they do is make me think about my Daddy more, which makes me sadder. I don't want one because they make me miss him too much."

Can you guess which one of my kids feels this way?

Learning the Ropes

2009-08-22T08:27:00.002-04:00

I've been working on taking photos on something besides my AUTO setting. I snapped this the other afternoon when we were having rain and sunshine at the same time. It made for an interesting moment, and I was able to capture it on my camera. I also captured my daughter's little legs that were running and dancing in the rain.

My next step is to splurge on Photoshop and have even more fun.

When I want to get just plain crazy, I may beg my husband for a new camera.

Blogger doesn't do this photo justice. In fact, I've noticed that the photos I've been uploading lately are looking very grainy and of very poor quality. Has anyone else noticed this with their account? Any thoughts on how to fix it?

Overload

2009-08-21T19:53:00.003-04:00

I wish there was a way to wean myself back into the single, but married, lifestyle.

It's amazing how quickly and perfectly we slipped back into our family routine.

I feel as though I've been thrust into a former life, and it's overwhelming.

Haven't I done this before?

For almost nine months?

It sure doesn't feel like it.

One has gone to bed early as a punishment for yet again defying me. She is yelling, screaming, and over tired after almost three weeks of nonstop, Daddy fun.

I want to tell Dave to go in and "talk" to her.

Two others are battling it out with my vacuum cleaner attachments.

I want to tell Dave to wrestle with the boys and help them release some of this excess testosterone.

The baby is whiny, fussy, and doesn't know if he wants to be picked up or put down.

I'd love for Dave to do one of his special, sleep inducing, rock and bounce techniques.

Instead, it's all up to me, and I'm on overload.

I need the day to end so I begin a new day with me operating in a different mode.

A different life.

First Day of School

2009-08-20T15:57:00.003-04:00

My oldest. Notice the "nice" shorts, under the table, that I tried to get him to wear. "No one wears church shorts to school. Mom". Whoops. Sorry.
Then there's my daughter, who would have worn a Prom dress if it were possible.
Heading out the door to catch the bus.

The pick-up schedule changed this year, and we didn't realize it until we opened the door, saw the bus loading other kids, panicked, and started hollering at the kids to make a mad sprint up the hill to meet Mr. Bill. "RRRUUUUUNNNNN! Faster! Faster!" I had been planning on everyone walking up there together, and snapping a few of those "there they go on the bus"photos. But fate obviously had other plans, and next year I'll be certain to check, and then recheck, our bus pick-up time. Definitely made for an interesting, first day of school!

Normal for Now

2009-08-18T11:20:00.004-04:00

Today and tomorrow, we get to be "normal".

We will get up, put the kids on the bus, and Dave will go to work.

I'll spend my days doing this and that, and watching the clock for his arrival around 5:30.

I'll make dinner, and we'll sit to eat as a family.

In the evenings, we'll do something together - swimming, go for a walk, etc.- before starting the bedtime routine.

Once the kids are asleep, we'll treasure the peace and quiet together: watch TV, share a bowl of ice cream, talk about the future, read, etc.

I am loving our normal, even if it's only for a short time.

Come Thursday, however, we'll go back to our other normal.

Lives apart that are linked by phone calls, emails, and an occasional letter.

Where I rule the roost, my dinner is eaten standing up, and I won't eat ice cream, while watching Colbert, by myself.

Thursday is hanging over my head, and just the thought is enough to make me sad, anxious, lonely, and somewhat excited all at the same time.

Excited?

Yes.

Because when he leaves, we'll have only 100 days left, and relatively speaking, that's a short amount of time to be apart.

But until then, until our other normal starts, I'm treasuring and loving each moment of this.

Our normal normal.

Peach Cobbler

2009-08-15T08:47:00.007-04:00

It's 9:23 in the morning, and my two oldest children are still asleep.

Yes, they are still alive and no, they aren't sick.

I just rose out of bed about an hour ago as well. We've been enjoying later nights, tossing the baseball or riding bikes after the heat of the day has finally started to subside. The hot, humid, summer days of East TN are here, and unless you are swimming, it makes it almost unbearable to be outside during the afternoon.

What a change it's going to be come Monday, when the buzzing of the alarm will have us jumping up at 6:22. While I'm looking forward to a new school year (and only have ONE home with me during the day), there is a sweet sadness that comes with saying good-bye to another fun, family summer. The older I get, the faster the summers seem to come and go. Have you noticed the same?

One of our summer traditions revolves around cooking. A few years ago, Dave purchased a dutch oven and started making yummy desserts. Not only do they taste great, but the kids get to help make the cake and the charcoal fire. They love it, and it keeps them occupied for a least an hour or two. Making cobbler is something that takes plenty of time.

Starting to make the peach cobbler. If you're interested, it's on page 30 of the manual. I also love the cherry cobbler that's in here.
Teachin' 'em young.

Learning the art of carefully cracking an egg into a Zip Loc bag. Not as easy as it seems, especially with three, eager helpers crowding around.
The peach cobbler tradition as seen in 2008 at Norris Dam State Park.

The final result - so warm, sweet, and absolutely ~~fattening~~ delicious.

Fishing

2009-08-12T12:32:00.014-04:00

Last week when we went camping, we took an evening and went fishing. Manly fishing involves climbing over rocks, sticks, bushes, etc. to some spot that is weedy and has no place to sit down. This may not be the case in your family, but for me, it seems to happen every time. So while my husband and three children found a place that met all of the above criteria, I decided to make my own fun with James.

We found that the boat ramp was a great place to chill. Easy access to the water and a fun place to play Peek . . .
A-Boo!
Not only did I see fish jumping right in front of me, but I also had snacks. I tried to convince them to come, but alas. . .
they were happier down here. If you look closely, you can see my son sitting on a rock and my husband doing something, probably putting another lure on Jack's line. My kids have this thing about changing their lures every two to three casts.
Soon, however, I brought Anna over to my side, with the promise of Goldfish and no "pokey" things in the water.

It didn't take much longer for everyone else to come on over and check out my primo spot.
Anna took care of the worms. She was very distressed about their future, and once we assured her that there was some sort of worm heaven, she was much happier about the situation.

And finally . . . sweet success!

Rib and Foot Inspection

2009-08-11T13:21:00.004-04:00

Pure joy and unbridled laughter. Is there anything better ?

All Together

2009-08-10T13:42:00.002-04:00

Rock Island State Park, TN

Staying busy with hubby home, traveling here and there, visiting with family and friends, etc. So many things to do and not enough time. Wish I had more time to blog, but time with hubby is short and quickly coming to an end. He's been home for over a week. Where is the time going? Will be back soon.

Daddy

2009-08-06T21:48:00.000-04:00

OpLove Homecoming Photos

2009-08-04T12:17:00.003-04:00

On Sunday, we had a photographer join us for our homecoming, courtesy of the military's OpLove program. This is an awesome program that more families should take advantage of. It's free and the memories are priceless.

Here are our photos. Enjoy.

Homecoming

2009-08-02T18:48:00.004-04:00

I don't think many of these need captions. Needless to say, we are having a great time.

David wants to take such tender care of his Daddy. He wouldn't even let him undo his boots.

The first place Dave wanted to go was Sams Club for some pizza and fixin's for steaks and guacamole!

James is learning that Daddy is "OK".

So much more to post, but family time is calling.

Thanks to all who have prayed and sent well wishes throughout this past week. It hasn't been easy, but he's home, and for now, life is perfect.

Today is the Day!

2009-08-02T08:18:00.003-04:00

I woke up this morning to an email telling me that hubby will be in Atlanta around 11:30 AM. From there he will jump on a connecting flight that should have him home around 2:00.

Time to swing into action!

I want it all to be so nice and clean, i.e. no hint of DUST, for him. I'm washing our bedsheets and making certain the bathroom is ready for two again. When he left I put away his razor, deodorant, etc., and now it's time to get those things out again. After seven months in Iraq, I'm sure a shower in your own home has to be heavenly.

Making sure the kids are clean and "groomed". Have their special shirts ready that we mostly likely will not put on until we get to the airport.

I picked up a nice little shirt yesterday with some new earrings to boot. I'm going to ~~cover my grays~~ dye my hair this morning and may even put on some new toe nail polish. MaMa's steppin' up!

On a side note, I did get waxed and "spiffed" up down there, but it didn't go well. I have large bruises on my inner thighs, which has never happened to me before. Thoughts anyone?

We have a photographer through the Army's OpLove program coming to take photos of our reunion. Dave and the kids aren't aware of this so hopefully things will be as natural as possible. I want to capture these moments forever as I know they are going to be priceless.

Off to clean. I know that 2:00 seems so far away but I'm sure it'll be here before I know it! Be back soon with photos from our big day!

Great Coupons Today

2009-08-01T08:57:00.003-04:00

Great coupons today on Coupons.com. Combine these with Cellfire and/or Shortcuts, and you're on your way to saving some major cash. Enjoy and visit soon. Popular coupons, and today there are plenty, are snatched up quickly.

Enjoy!

The Last Time

2009-07-31T20:09:00.002-04:00

This was taken on one of our last days before Dave deployed to Iraq. He is the one holding the baby and this is how Dave remembers him.

I've tried to keep him updated with photos and video clips, but it's not the same as actually watching them grow and unfold before your eyes.

He made a statement the other day that pulled at my heart. "So, I've been looking at the photos and it's pretty obvious James is no longer an infant, but more like a toddler".

In two days, he'll get to see for himself and experience all of the laughter, snuggles, and smiles that I get from this wonderful little boy.

Not much longer!

And the Wait Continues . . .

2009-07-30T11:25:00.002-04:00

Being an Army wife, I should know that this is part of our "normal" life. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is ever concrete in our life until it is physically happening. Your husband may call and say "I'll be leaving work in five minutes", and you can count on that . My hubby doesn't call until he is physically driving home because something always comes up in those last few minutes at the office. People on the west coast calculate the time difference and realize "Darn! It's almost 5:00 there! I need to call NOW otherwise I can't do this or that . . . "

One of the reasons I worked the job that I did was the ability to be extremely flexible. I can't tell you how many times "something" would change and he would be out the door, for days, with little to no notice.

It's our life.

And I love it. Most of the time.

There is a lot of waiting and changing of plans. Any military wife will tell you that flexibility is an absolute MUST to surviving, and thriving, in the military world.

Still, it isn't always easy, especially when you've had your heart set on homecoming for months. I know what I know, that until he's in the air, physically on his way home, I should have my heart set on very little. Somehow, however, I've had a hard time remembering this as I wait for news.

Yes, there is still dust so nothing is moving at this time. He was initially supposed to be leaving a week ago today, and between work issues and weather, we are taking it one day at a time.

Waiting.

Praying.

Because that is all we can do.

Welcome Home Shirts

2009-07-29T08:18:00.003-04:00

My sister came up with this idea. I made a shirt for each of my kiddos, and if I can get them to stand in a line, they will read "Welcome Home Daddy." I was hoping to make a shirt for the baby, a "!", but that remains to be seen. What do ya think?

Still waiting. Hubby was supposed to be a country closer to home than last time I posted, but sandstorms have delayed flights. We worry about rain and snow, they worry about sand. Hoping for better news today!

Still Waiting

2009-07-28T12:27:00.004-04:00

Nothing compares to being rocked by PaPa.
In reverse order, Jack's first, or close to it, jump off the diving board by himself. As you can remember, this is definitely one of life's big moments as you are growing up.

My mom and two out of my three sisters. I have been blessed with an amazing family.

I am constantly amazed by my youngest child's curly hair. Neither Dave nor I have a wavy stitch on our heads, so this is something we never expected. Kids! They always surprise you!

We're continuing to wait for hubby to come home. I'm hoping he'll be here sometime this weekend, and I ask your prayers for safe travels and cooperating weather. The sandstorms are fierce this time of year and have caused major travel delays. We are working hard to clean up the house and put the finishing touches on a few surprises. I hope to have them done soon and I'll post a few pictures!

Those First Moments

2009-07-25T11:03:00.004-04:00

In less than two weeks, (Yes, the date has been changed) I am going to see my husband again. I've wondered many things about our family reunion, but the one thing I dwell upon is the moment that I lay eyes on him for the first time in seven months. Thinking about that moment reminds me of meeting my husband for the first time, as it was in that moment that I knew there was something amazing about him.

Meeting my husband was a total God thing. Don't believe in God? Call in fate, destiny, or whatever floats your boat. It was meant to happen.

I was a EMS volunteer and Dave was a police officer. Dave was in the ER refereeing two local families, and I was getting ready to pull away in the ambulance. Yes, I was driving. No comments please.

I looked down at the floor, noticed a few dirty towels, and decided to run them inside to the laundry. Why I decided to do that I will never know. We had just started our shift and had 11 hours to go. We would be back, and I could toss them then. Everyone was ready to go to dinner. No one wanted to waste anytime tossing the towels, as you never know when you'll get the time to eat again.

But I wanted to toss those things and so off I went. I decided to walk the back hall as well, which was something I didn't do because it was a longer route. Sounding lazy? Again, no comments please.

Just as I was rounding the corner, there was Dave. It sounds totally corny, but I took one look at him as was floored. My heart went up in my throat, the butterflies started, you name it, I had it. He did too.

I smiled, said "Hello!" and he asked me to meet him for "lunch" later that night. Even to this day he will admit that he can't believe he did that. A little too forward for him.

As luck would have it, we were out on a call at the time I was supposed to meet him for lunch and without even knowing his name, I figured all was lost. I lamented to my roommate how I had lost love, and in an effort to pacify me/stop the whining, he began to do some investigating. Soon we had his name, and I crossed my fingers that we would run in to each other again.

A month later, I still hadn't seen Dave, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. I decided to "go for it" and use my EMS status to my advantage. I called the PD and left a message under the guise that it was related to a call that we had run together. I was worried that he would have no idea who it was from, toss it, and write me off . . . again. To this day he likes to remind me that I stood him up on our first date.

The next day he called me back, we had our first date later that night, we became engaged seven months later, and we were married five months after our engagement.

That moment in the ER changed my life forever and I think about it often. Now I'm waiting for another moment, that instant where I see him walk through the airport gate and my life becomes complete again. Where peace and calm will fill my heart, and I will feel a sense of wholeness that only he can bring. My best friend and the love of my life is returning, and right now, I'm living for that moment.

Scrapbook pages from our engagement and wedding day.

Presence and Absence

2009-07-22T15:36:00.005-04:00

My husband is currently serving in Basra, and last week they lost three of their soldiers. These are the photos and thoughts from one of the soldiers that is currently serving with my husband.

Somewhere during kindergarten between nap time, cookies, and story time, we learn that when the teacher calls our name, we respond. “Here,” we cry with the boisterous enthusiasm of youth. We continue the tradition on sports teams, on road trips, and at work. Throughout our lives we engage in this ritual so pervasive that it becomes second nature, barely noticed, or poked fun of with a variety of unique responses. Roll takes on an added level of importance in the Army. Leaders at all levels must maintain accountability of the Soldiers in their care.

As we learn about presence, we often learn about absence. When the teacher calls a name unanswered, everyone looks around the room. Where are they? Are they sick? What happened? The teacher repeats the name. The questions and concerns deepen. In the Army, the lack of an affirmative response leads to a certain amount of anxiety, missing formation or movement can mean loss of rank and pay and results in an immediate search for the missing Soldier.

**2030h I sat up at the local internet café across from the stage where local bands occasionally play, uploading my latest notes and pictures. The internet connection slowly chewed one byte at a time from my computer. Outside Soldiers wandered about, some coming from the newly opened gym – others from an MWR nearby. The empty stage stood where a concert by Catch Penny might have happened had it not been cancelled. The evening breeze mixed leisurely with the air still heated by the desert sand.

2105h. I finished my uploads, packed up my computer, and left.

2115h. A loud siren screamed through the darkness as I approached my housing block. “Incoming, Incoming, Incoming.” I quickly took cover in one of the concrete and sand reinforced bunkers that dot the COB. In the distance, I heard muffled thuds as the rockets impacted somewhere out in the darkness. A few more soldiers jumped in the bunker. Dust from the dirt floor floated almost motionless in the air as if it too sought shelter.

***Not everyone was safe that night. Not too far from the stage where Catch Penny didn’t play, three young specialists lay mortally wounded: “Spc. Daniel P. Drevnick, 22, a military policeman and native of St. Paul, Minn., Spc. James D. Wertish, a military policeman and native of Redwood Falls, Minn. and Spc. Carlos E. Wilcox, a platoon medic and native of Golden Valley, Minn.”

***Final roll call, one of the US Army’s most deeply moving and emotional ceremonies, took place last night at the end of a memorial service for the three Soldiers. A senior NCO called the unit to attention then started to call out the names in the unit. When he reached the names of the fallen Soldiers, he called, “SPC Drevnick” and waited in heartbreaking silence for a response that would never come. “SPC Daniel Drevnick” – again the terrible silence. “SPC Daniel P. Drevnick.” . . . Nothing. This continued for each soldier until a 21 gun salute broke the cycle - loudly - too loudly. Then Taps sorrowfully closed out a ceremony for three young Soldiers who will never have children learn about roll call between cookies and naps in kindergarten.

***The enemy thinks these attacks wear us down, that they destroy our morale. They don’t. They bring everyone together. When a Soldier dies, the petty bickering, the destructive gossip, the politics and rivalries that form a good part of daily human interaction seem – well – petty. United in purpose and resolve, difference cast aside, we soldier on as our fallen brethren would want.

Back Home

2009-07-20T21:30:00.002-04:00

In an effort to pass the time away until my hubby is home, I went to visit my parents for a week. I would love to tell you all about it, but the dryer is full of clothes, the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, and I'm ready for bed.

Here are two photos from the weekend. The rest of my shots got erased when I tried to upload to my mom's computer. Almost makes me sick when I think about what I lost. Someone told me once that unless I reformat my memory card, there is a way I can retrieve photos from my camera. Anyone out there know how to do this? Two of my three sisters came in for a visit.

James' first boat ride!

Had a great visit and now I'm just counting the days!

Waiting

2009-07-10T20:40:00.003-04:00

These next few weeks remind me of my last trimester. Actually, it's more like those last few weeks, when I would bemoan the fact that " . . . I still have FOUR weeks left." My hubby would kindly remind me that I'd already done 36, but that made little difference. All I could think about was the fact that I had four more weeks to be large, hot, and hungry all of the time. Four more weeks of empty arms that were aching to hold a tiny, sweet smelling, bundle. Those four weeks seemed like an eternity, and it actually felt as though time was slooooooowing down.

I'm starting to have similar feelings as I wait for Dave to come home on leave. We've got about three weeks left, but they might as well be three months. Forget the fact that he's been gone since January and I can't really tell you where those six, almost seven months, have gone. I've got three weeks left, and it seems a lifetime away.

I'm at the point where all I can think about is seeing him for the first time, and I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas.

So impatient.

So excited.

So full of questions and wonder.

Not much longer no matter how I may feel.

Please Remember

2009-07-08T08:45:00.003-04:00

Williams, of Glenwood, who was leading a five-vehicle convoy with the 33rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, was one of four people in the vehicle who all died, his wife was told on Monday evening. Williams was killed on Monday when the vehicle he was in hit a roadside bomb in Kandu.

Williams was scheduled to return home to his wife and three daughters next month.

Please Pray For These Families

2009-07-07T18:11:00.001-04:00

The Department of Defense announced today the death of a Marine who was supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.

Lance Cpl. Charles S. Sharp, 20, of Adairsville, Ga., died July 2 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

The Department of Defense announced today the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died July 4 at Combat Outpost Zerok, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked the outpost using small arms and indirect fires. They were assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team (Airborne), 25th Infantry Division, Fort Richardson, Alaska.

Killed were:

Pfc. Justin A. Casillas, 19, of Dunnigan, Calif.

Pfc. Aaron E. Fairbairn, 20, of Aberdeen, Wash.

Freaky

2009-07-07T10:17:00.002-04:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Ok so I posted a link to this on Twitter, but I really want to make certain you take a look at this, especially if you take your kids swimming. We have a neighborhood pool, and I forwarded this on to our HOA to make certain that our cover had been replaced.

Take a peek and make certain that the places you swim have fixed this issue. It's scary to see how powerful these drains are, and how they can seriously hurt, if not kill, a child.

My husband

2009-07-05T18:41:00.002-04:00

I'm so proud of him.

I miss him so much.

We will have two weeks together at the end of this month.

I'm counting the days.

Dreaming about what it will feel like for him to hug me.

Remembering his voice, his laughter, and the warmth that he brings to our home.

can't

wait.

Yesterday

2009-07-02T16:28:00.004-04:00

So in my mission to not have a summer of simply waiting for Dave to return, we headed out again for yet another fun-filled day. Downtown was our destination so off we went!

Jack has always been my climber and is not afraid of anything, especially heights. I wonder what the people in the museum thought when they looked out the window and saw a child sitting there. Do you have any idea what went through my head when I heard "Look at me, Mom!"?
"Please take a picture of me sitting on the Shrek Donkey, Mom!"
OK.
We went to our downtown library because the branch closer to home is small and never has anything that I'm looking for. So we went to the "hub" that is big, has everything, and therefore, I could find nothing that I was looking for. Here is a sample of the 30 some items that we brought home, movies on top. I hate that my kids run to the movie section first. Still, it's nice to be able to get things, like the flick that we watched last night, for free.

After a bit to eat at Panera (Oh how I love that place!), we went to the downtown water park.
There they go!
Trying to time it just right . . .

I love this photo for another reason. My son is wearing his flip-flops because he's in a "dirty", wet place. I must have passed this fear on to him while he was basking in my womb for nine months. I developed a phobia of sorts to wet, public places once I started nursing school. Spend some time learning what can breed in places like these, and you'll never take your shoes off again. Like mother, like son. And then there are my other two, who have little fear of anything wet and dirty. Yes, he is trying to get the water to go up his pants. Ouch!

What a smile. Nothing but joy and happiness.

Little Ponderosa

2009-06-30T17:04:00.009-04:00

I don't want to look back on 2009 as the year where I spent most of my time missing my husband and counting the days until he returns, leaves, returns, leaves, and then returns again.
Too depressing, not productive, and very boring.

So in the spirit of wanting to make some summer memories, I packed the kids up and visited the Little Ponderosa Zoo and Animal Rescue.

The more I visit these places, the less I like them. I know this "attraction" is part rescue, but it's still depressing to see big animals in tiny cages. I receive solace, however, is knowing that my donation helps care for these animals, most of whom where purchased as pets until they began to grow, bite, never die, etc.

Two of the monkeys were used in a drug operation. If the mokeys died, then they knew that the chemical levels had become toxic, and it was time for them to evacuate. Craziness.

Anyways, for something different, I gave my oldest the camera for most of the day. Here are a few of his shots.

These ladies were something else with their summer 'dos. Sort of like an alpacadoodle.

Feed me please.

And me too.

Me three. Oh wait a minute. Moms don't count. Why is that? Not just here but life in general?

"Hey David! Be sure to get a picture of your sister riding the pony!"

"OK Mom! Got some great shots!"

I took the camera back at this point because this reminded me so much of my house when I come home with groceries. They are like locusts that descend, often times eating things before they ever get put away.

"Feed us too please! "

"Homemade" milkshakes from Hardee's wrapped up the afternoon. I'd like to be able to say that I only consumed my Diet Coke, but alas, there were shakes that were not finished so rather than let them go to waste, I did the responsible thing and finished them off. Ahhhhhh . . . the perfect way to finish a perfect afternoon!

The World's "Worstest" Picture

2009-06-28T11:00:00.003-04:00

Sibling love. It can be fiercely protective and yet so plain mean.
This is an excellent example.
While I was in the shower this morning the kids had a "who can make the worstest picture in the world" contest. Here are the results.

Jack's drawing of Anna. Notice the following: a moustache, funny teeth, holding a smelly bologna sandwich, cotton ball clothing, and "gross smells" are radiating from her body. What are "gross smells" you ask? "Old grandpa armpit juice". Lovely.
Anna's drawing of Jack. The first thing you must notice is that it's done mostly in pink. That alone gives her major points in her book. Next you will notice the big ears and princess earrings, girl hair, big pink tooth, a pink polka dot dress, and again, the bologna sandwich.

The best part about it all?

They laughed.

There were no tears.

And I have another treasure for my chest of memories.

Gone Swimmin

2009-06-27T13:13:00.000-04:00

Be back soon!

Sweet Christy

2009-06-23T09:31:00.004-04:00

My blogger friend,Christy , gave me this nice little award the other day. Christy is a blogger that I've kept up with for a few years, mostly because of her love for her family and the Lord. The other "tie that binds us together" is the military. Her husband is in the Army, deployed to Iraq for the third time, and therefore I can relate to so many of her feelings. If you haven't visited her blog, I encourage you to do so. She always has a fresh and honest word to share!

So, here are the rules for this lovely, little, award.

1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.

2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve recently discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Christy was so good. She posted 15 blogs with a little intro about each one. Well, considering I've got about 15 free minutes, I'm going to list and run. Baby is sleeping, breakfast dishes are still in the sink, we are out of clean clothes, and the clock continues to tick. Honestly, this is the last place I should be.

BUT . . . here I am so onward and upward!

Pam is another military family with four kids. Oh how I can relate!

Val has five children, two who are adopted from China. Even though she hasn't updated her blog in TWO MONTHS, it's still worth the trip over to check her out. Maybe this will inspire her to post more of her great photos and interesting life stories.

CCW shares often about her daughter's ADHD, which is a subject close to my heart. It's often a "funny" story and again, something that I can relate too.

China Mama has become a friend over the years. She has three beautiful daughters from China, and is waiting on number four.

The Carpenter Family have two beautiful children from Ethiopia. It's been a blessing to watch them grow!

Angela and her family recently brought home their daughter from China. She and I go back to my time in Virginia, and it's been awesome to watch God work through our friendship. Wish I had the time to explain it all. It's pretty cool!

Amy and I go back three or four years, when we were adopting our daughters from China. She has another blog too, where she posts about all the yummy things that she makes!

Mike and Kate is a new blog that I have recently started to follow, and enjoy. They have been blessed by adoption, are awaiting another bundle of joy, and cook all sorts of yummy treats.

Jaima is another military wife that I've just started keeping up with.

Sandy is another new blog that I'm following and enjoy.

Amy has three boys and gave me a great idea on how to stay on top of my laundry. I love her for that alone!

I know that I've listed only ten, but I've got to publish and run. The clock is ticking and I haven't even showered yet, which, by the way, I hate to do when things are quiet. Seems like such a waste of precious time.

Anyways, thank you again, Christy, for this little award. Have a wonderful day everyone!

One of the Most Challenging Things

2009-06-21T12:35:00.005-04:00

Sometimes one of the most challenging things about having four kids is trying to get a . . .

good
photo for

Father's Day.

Or for any occasion for that matter.

Oh well. I think these actually paint a better picture of our family then four smiling, clean children who are sitting perfectly still and straight.

Maybe I should say five children. See Miss Barbie down there?

What Keeps Me Going

2009-06-20T10:10:00.003-04:00

After a day where I was missing my hubby, Jack brought this to me at bedtime.

"Don't be sad Mommy. See? There's us under this flag and Daddy is here under the "Iraqian" flag, and there is a heart in the middle where we can be together."
It's these sort of things that make me smile, and really keep me going.

Random Thoughts . . . Again

2009-06-16T08:38:00.004-04:00

I'm house sitting and the cats have pooped all over their house. See my twitters in the sidebar. Gag. What would you do? If I let them outside, they come and poop in my flower beds so I'd rather it be his mess than mine. Nothing like going to plant and coming across a present like that. Thank goodness the owner is coming home tomorrow.

Anyone who is military will understand as soon as they read this. We are wading through the layers to get to the right person who can get my husband the medical care that he needs. For whatever reason, his blood pressure has remained high since last week. He needs to be seen out of country for a more thorough evaluation. Please pray that things move quickly and he's seen soon. As a nurse, this sort of thing really makes me nervous.

If taken to Germany, I was hoping to go and see him. The kicker? The baby doesn't have a passport, and I can't leave him with as much as he is nursing. The lesson? If you are a spouse with someone deployed and you have a young baby, think about getting a passport for them before your SO leaves.

I'm now co-sleeping with the baby. He gets up sometime in the middle of the night and I bring him in bed with me. I know he should not be nursing any longer during the night, but he is and I'm just not ready to do "sleep training". When Dave gets home in July, he can help me. Until then, I'm all about getting sleep however I need too. If that means he sleeps next to me and snacks once or twice during the night, then so be it. I'm tired of being tired.

The only bummer?

When Dave comes home for R&R. I don't think there is enough room in our bed for the three of us, and babies aren't the most understanding when it comes to sharing. "Come on James. Just for two weeks and then Daddy will be gone again for months." Ummm . . . don't think so.

The lazy days of summer are just that. Laaaaazzzzzyyyyyy. I'm afraid my kids would spend the whole day watching TV and playing video games if I let them. Trying to get them motivated to do anything else is becoming a challenge as well. I'd love to hear how others monitor and regulate electronics during the summer.

Want to make a difference today? For $25.00 you can send a care package valued at $75 to your troops through the USO. At a minimum, the care packages include a personalized message of support from the donor, an AT&T prepaid international phone card, snacks, playing cards, reading material, camo kits containing shampoo, conditioner, hand sanitizer, tooth paste, tooth brush, sunscreen and other requested and needed items.

There are 170,000 men and women who are serving our country as I type, and every one of them deserves something like this.

Blogger won't upload a great photo I want to share. Oh well. Maybe later.

How is the summer treating you? How do you plan to spend your days? I'd love to know. I could use some good ideas.

Grace and Peace to You,

Amy